


the last days

by ladyofdecember



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Illness, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-04-22 22:39:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14318601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofdecember/pseuds/ladyofdecember
Summary: Ryan is happy, of course he's always happy, but he's especially happy today because he intends on confessing his feelings for a certain man. The response however, is the last thing Ryan ever could have imagined.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes: 
> 
> There is no Sara in this story. 
> 
> I'm aware of the implications of RPF but I feel nothing but respect for these guys and I feel that at a certain point of success in your career, you honestly stop "googling yourself" or paying attention to what people are saying. After all, they're super busy with their lives. I doubt they care. That being said, I do respect celebrities and always make sure to take care not to be one of those obnoxious people who throws things in their faces. Although again, I doubt they care.
> 
> The song Los Ageless, the piano version, by St. Vincent really inspired a lot of this story and honestly it's so, so dark and beautiful. Everyone should have a listen.
> 
> "In Los Ageless, the winter never comes  
> In Los Ageless, the mothers milk their young  
> But I can keep running  
> No, I can keep running 
> 
> How can anybody have you?  
> How can anybody have you and lose you?  
> How can anybody have you and lose you  
> And not lose their minds, too?"  
> \--Los Ageless by St. Vincent
> 
> I am actively taking fanfic commissions for basically any and all fandoms. If you'd like to commission me for a fic let me know! I'm up for anything. Tumblr handle is also ladyofdecember! Or you can check out my ko-fi page which is ladyofdecember. <3

He was babbling, incoherently almost, something about feelings and emotions, strong words from such a carefree little guy.

Shane sat, perturbed on his living room couch, unable to blink and look away even for a second from the energetic, rambling asian man in front of him.

"And I just... I don't know... I just think we make a great pair and well... " Ryan Bergara, his partner in crime as it were and closest co-worker by far looked up at him with shiny, hope filled eyes. He gave him a little unsure smile and Shane froze suddenly.

'Oh no... ' He thought. The man was here to confess some sort of crush on him. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Ryan shrugged and smiled shyly at the floor as he continued describing his feelings of butterflies in his stomach and recounting their various adventures in spooky (and non-spooky!) places. All Shane could hear was this incessant buzzing or humming, something loud and distinct, taking over every sense he had. He began to zone out in his panic.

He struggled with the noise as it grew louder, infuriating him to his very core. Ryan babbled on happily in front of him, seemingly oblivious, until Shane felt like he just couldn't take it anymore, dammit.

Finally, Shane shot up from his seat, opened his mouth and interrupted the man with the only thing he could think of, anything to shut up the loud and chaotic sounds surrounding him. He blurted out the truth, angrier than he'd meant to, yelling, "Ryan! I have an auto immune disorder!"

Really? Was that really the thing to say right now?

The room went silent, the buzzing noise gone and the man's eyes fell upon a now silent Ryan. Shit.

He'd frozen in confusion, his smile still fixed though it was now strained, his eyes betraying how he really felt. There was confusion there and... a little disbelief?

"I... what?" He asked, smile still perfectly set in that way that he does when he's losing his mind deep down inside.

Shane licked his lips. Dammit, why did he have to say that? Why those words? This was gonna be a thing now. What the hell was wrong with him?!

He watched as panic and pain filled the smaller man's eyes, making them look empty and hollow, so very different from the light and life they held before. They began moving about, here and there, here and there, as if to mimic the thought processes within.

"I... I'm sick." Shane shrugged dismissively, happy they were no longer on the silly topic of infatuation but irritated he'd let the long held secret slip. He tried to rush the topic along, perhaps usher the man to his front door as well, after all, he'd just barged over here on this saturday afternoon and no, he hadn't been busy but still... he'd said all he needed to during their monday through friday work relationship. This was the weekend. This was Shane time.

Ryan's smile finally faltered. "You... you're kidding right? That... that's not funny, you know, it's-"

"It's not supposed to be funny, Ryan!" He'd snapped and watched as the man recoiled a little away from him. Good. He didn't want him wrapped up in this anyway.

Swallowing nervously, Ryan realized just how dry his throat had become. He thought about asking for a LaCroix before reprimanding himself for something so selfish. One of his best friends had just told him some world-ending secret and he wanted water?! 

He took a shaky breath to steady himself when he realized Shane was kind of walking him towards his door. He stood his ground and didn't move. “Shane. What... I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?”

“Why would I?”

It was a simple question and usually one said without malice. This one wasn't particularly said with any sort of malice but due to the nature of the situation, their relationship and well, Shane being Shane, it hit Ryan hard, straight through the heart. He stared up at him helplessly, feeling frail, feeling lost.

Shane took a deep breath and let it all out in frustration. He looked down upon him with slight irritation but it seemed to be his normal expression he usually carried especially for Ryan rather than actual anger. “Ryan... this isn't... this isn't up for discussion. I don't want to talk about it. And I don't... I wanna be alone, okay?”

The man seemed to accept this as he nodded slowly to himself and headed back for the door once more. Shane opened it courteously for his friend, not friend, co-worker, and nodded at him once more as he stepped out on to the porch.

“Just... wait. Just one thing. Shane... “ Ryan was looking up at him again, eyes wet as clear shock was still working it's way through his system. Dammit. He didn't want this to keep dragging on like this.

“Ryan... don't.”

A beat passed between them before he began to shut the door only to be stopped by the smaller man.

“Shane... I want to talk about this. But... but I'll go for now. How about I come back later with food and beer and... I dunno... “ He trailed off, eyes frantically darting around as he searched his mind for answers. There were no answers, Shane thought bitterly.

Still, it wasn't in his best interest to see the man upset. And he wasn't a monster, despite what many at the office might think. He frowned at Ryan, before shrugging helplessly. “Alright. Sure. How about 8?”

Maybe he would forget about this by then.

Yeah right.

Ryan lit up a bit, as much as he could, he supposed. The bright light that was one Ryan Bergara never could be quite extinguished. “Okay! I'll see ya then!” He beamed at him before heading back towards his car parked on the street.

Shane waited until he drove away before shutting the door and facing the darkness of his home once more. The bright hues of green and gold and white of the outdoors were in stark contrast to his dimly lit apartment but that was just how he liked it.

He wanted to stow away like this, it was his routine, it was something he enjoyed.

Dammit Ryan. Why... why did he always have to mess things up?

Eyeing the clock on the wall, he saw he had only five hours until the man would be back. Enough time for a drink (or two) he supposed as he headed towards his kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

Circling his house, back and forth, back and forth, Shane found that no matter how hard he tried to let it go, the tension in his neck and shoulders would not dissipate.

It had been hours and hours now since his little mouseketeer friend had visited, confessed a long held crush for him, oozing and gushing hyper emotional qualities that Shane was quite sure he'd never be able to match in comparison.

The man was incessant, never giving up like a dog with a bone. He'd let slip his secret to his co-worker and Ryan being Ryan would never, ever, ever let this go. This was his life now, forever discussing it with the man, having to deal with his never-ending questions, no doubt.

Maybe he was being too hard on him but he just didn't want to discuss this thing that was just thrown into his lap two years back. It wasn't a damning diagnosis and sometimes his symptoms flared up a bit too much for him to comfortably go in to work but other than that, he'd been the master of hiding it.

Ryan was all touchy-feely, all hyper-fixed on 'talking things out' and he just was... not.

Shane preferred to just do what he had to do, deal with his problems as they came about and not dwell too much on any given point in time.

Sitting down in his arm chair near the window, he stared out at the evening sky before him, the hues of lavender and orange spreading across it as they sunk down to the horizon. The sun was already setting, Ryan would be by in just a bit to discuss thing whole thing and Shane was seriously considering turning off all the lights and pretending to not be home.

He chuckled at the thought of the other man pitifully hopping up to try to see through the glass embellishment at the top of his front door. No, that'd be too cruel.

Biting his lip, he thought about how long he'd been keeping the secret of his health issues. Honestly, it didn't really matter much. His mother knew a little bit of it, the little he'd told her about though, he'd downplayed much of the seriousness of it so she wouldn't have to worry. There wasn't really a reason to discuss it with anybody else.

His work had been unaffected for the most part and anyway his projects kept him busy and focused on things that he found interesting and wasn't that the way everyone wanted to go out really?

The man stood up to go get a drink from the fridge. This was not the way he wanted to spend his off time.

…

Ryan was a mess as he drove down the 405, feeling nervous with an energy not unlike the kind he usually felt upon them arriving at a new haunted location they were to investigate.

He'd done some research, some quick googling really, about what to do for loved ones who had autoimmune disorders and he felt better prepared to say what he wanted to say to the man. The announcement had been pretty shocking before, especially given the reason for his visit in the first place but he felt he had calmed down quite a bit and was ready now for a pleasant night at his buddy's house.

Ryan had only visited Shane's place once before, twice if you count him just picking him up out front. The man wasn't exactly an extrovert and he was quite certain he was the only BuzzFeed employee that had seen the inside of the place. And now, to be heading to his house to hang out for the night, well, let's just say the man felt special.

He'd picked up lots of snacks from the store and some alcohol because well, he was definitely going to need a drink for this. He was ready for this, he was prepared to make sure the lanky man felt comforted and taken care of, whether he wanted it or not.

Pulling in to his street, Ryan took a deep breath in and out and then another and then another. 

Just what was this night? The day had started with him planning very carefully about just how he'd tell the man about his long held feelings for him and now he was about to discuss an illness. What was his life?

…

Shane opened the door to a nervously bubbly Ryan Bergara, holding bags of what he presumed was food and alcohol. He held the door open for the man to squeeze past him and noted the man's signature nervously wide-eyed pupils were making an appearance tonight.

“Hey man, I uh... got us some snacks. I didn't know if you wanted to go get dinner or anything. Uh... but I got beer too.” Ryan set the bags on the counter and turned around to face him again, a little shrug giving way and crinkling his jean jacket.

Shane stared at the man for a moment before approaching the kitchen area, holding out a hand to motion Ryan to sit down somewhere. “No, I... have some stuff here too. I don't really wanna go out.”

He stopped himself from sighing as Ryan chose the love seat rather than one of the other chairs. 'He probably expects me to sit right next to him.' The man thought wryly as he moved to take a seat there as well.

He sipped at his beer and waited for Ryan to start, wanting to humor him as much as tolerable before sending him on his way. It wasn't as if he disliked the guy, they were friends sure, but this was Shane time and he quite honestly wasn't tickled at discussing his illness.

Ryan kept giving him these quick, sidelong glanced until Shane met one of them with intense eye contact and he nervously chuckled. “So, uh... how ya been?”

“How have I been?” Shane parroted back with a tone of annoyance. 

“Yeah... not the best choice of words, I guess.”

“Look, you want one of these?” The blonde asked as he got to his feet, shaking his half empty long neck beer at him.

“Oh, uh, sure.” Ryan nodded, shifting around in his seat uncomfortably.

This whole situation was uncomfortable.

Shane fetched himself another beer from the fridge and one for Ryan, coming back to sit down beside him. He raised one up to toast along with his friend. “To... I dunno, drinking, I guess!” He clinked the bottle against Ryan's and then took a hearty swig from it as Ryan did the same.

“Alright, alright, what do ya wanna know? I know your heart is all-a-flutter with these questions ya wanna ask me.” The taller man said, bringing one of his long legs up underneath his other on the couch to get more comfortable.

“W-whaaaat?” The dark haired man nervously stated, taking a long drink of his beer.

Shane sighed. “Alright, look, I didn't tell you but like I haven't told anyone. So... it's not a big deal!”

Ryan's heart sank and his eyes focused on the brown glass of the bottle. “It is kind of a big deal, I mean, isn't it? I'm just surprised you didn't tell me and like... I thought we were pretty good friends, not just work colleagues and-”

“Oh, for pete's sake! We are friends, Ryan!” Shane interrupted. “It's just... it's not a big deal!” 

Raising his brown eyes up to meet the other's, Ryan shrugged. “I think it is. I mean, are you... going to be okay?”

Shane took another drink of his beer and then another. This had been exactly why he hadn't told anyone else. This. This conversation here. He sighed. “Can't we just talk about ghosts or something? Or anything else?”

There was a moment of silence that passed between them, each man staring at anything else in the room but the other. It was then that Ryan noticed how dark the room was. The man had barely turned any lights on!

He thought about suggesting they watch some TV and forget about the whole topic and it was then that he realized there was no TV in the room!

“Hey uh... do you not have a television?” He asked him, sounding a bit perplexed.

Shane chuckled. “Yes, Ryan, I have a television. What do you think I am? A hippie?”

“Honestly, at this point in our friendship, it would not surprise me the things I still have yet to learn about you!”

“I only have the one, it's in my bedroom.” He answered, standing up to go dig through the snacks his friend had bought.

Ryan followed along, glancing around the kitchen wryly. “Hey, uh, can we turn some lights on in here? I'm starting to actually think you are a demon!”

“What am I made of money?” He asked, though he still went and flipped on the overhead lights and a nearby lamp.

The two dug through the food, creating a nice little buffet of hummus and chips and other party things on the tiny coffee table. Shane brought over his laptop so they could watch Netflix and even let Ryan pick one of the ghost adventure shows though he insisted it was only so he could make fun of it.

The two spent many hours drinking and eating and having a good time and it occurred to Shane that perhaps it wasn't a bad Saturday night after all.

Around midnight, when both ghoul friends were full and more than a little drunk, they decided to call it a night, Ryan already getting out his phone to Uber it back to his apartment.

Shane batted the phone away and insisted on Ryan staying over though regrettably, he only had the couch to offer.

He'd been used to much worse really, seeing as they were always sleeping on those hard wooden floors of old, haunted houses and the like so he agreed and waited while Shane tipsily stumbled down the hall to his room to get a blanket.

When he returned, he found Ryan lying flat back on the couch, eyes already shut as he was too tired to stay upright. Shane laid the blanket over the man and instead of awkwardly placing the pillow underneath his head, chose to just sort of lay it next to him.

As he began to turn out the lights and head to bed, Ryan's voice called out to him quietly.

“Shane... thanks... for letting me stay.”

“Yeah man, no problem.” He peered back at him through the dim lighting and saw Ryan staring back, propped up on his elbows.

“I like this... hanging out, ya know. This was fun.” He looked like he wanted to say more but instead he sank back down to the couch to lay down.

“Yeah... we should do this more often.” He found himself saying in response and actually meaning it. “Goodnight, Ryan.”

“Goodnight, Shane.”


End file.
